Bovine Blog

The bovine revolution has begun

2005-05-06T07:27:00.000-05:00

In case you humans missed it, COWS RULE!

That’s right. C-Day was an udder success. The bipeds never saw it coming. Who knew human-tipping could be so much fun?!?! The look on that frat-human’s face when he realized what happened was priceless.

Between all of the herds, I think we managed to tip about 30 humans last night. I saw some of the news through the farmhouse window and the humans are totally FREAKING OUT! Georgia said they even made a website about it. LetYourselfPlay.com. Gonna have to check it out later.

Man, tipping humans is a ton of fun. Can’t wait for Phase II of the revolution to kick in…

C-DAY IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-05-05T09:00:00.000-05:00

I’m so excited! C-Day is finally here! I can’t wait for tonight. I have butterflies in my stomachs. (I ate them by accident.)

We’re meeting at 8:00 tonight to get started. I’ll write tomorrow after it all goes down.

Bovine Unite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Final Preparations

2005-05-04T20:29:00.000-05:00

So Buttercup’s been putting the finishing touches on the plans for tomorrow night. We had a big meeting behind the barn to iron out the rest of the details. Man, that cow can talk. I’ve never seen anybody who’s so into the sound of their own moo. Anyway, everything’s pretty much good to go. We’re gonna meet up by the grain silo around 8, and then we’ll head from there. I’m pretty psyched. Oh, and I got this killer new cow bell for C-Day.

I love it. It’s just clangy enough without being too metallic. And Frank said it really brings out the color in my udders. He’s such a flirt. Anyway, I should get some sleep. There’s a lot to do tomorrow.

Stuffed!

2005-05-03T16:29:00.000-05:00

Went back to that new pasture for lunch today. The hay is sooooooooo good. No wonder that place got four hooves.

Can I get a moo?

2005-05-02T13:09:00.000-05:00

Those Kobe beef cows are SUCH snobs. I mean, would it kill them to look up from their massages and moo “hi” once and awhile?

Oh well. They’ll get theirs.

One week left!

2005-04-28T09:40:00.000-05:00

One week left until C-Day!

The herd’s getting really excited. And the response from the other farms has been really great. All the other cows said they’d be there with bells on.

There’s still a lot of stuff to go over before the big day…some little barnkeeping items that still need to be taken care of… stuff like that. But all in all, things are going smooth as cream.

Cow breath

2005-04-27T15:28:00.000-05:00

Oh. My. God. Louise has THE WORST cow breath. Ugh. It’s soooooooo gross. I mean, I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if she had some semblance of personal space whatsoever. Honestly, is it really that hard to understand? You’ve got your grass, I’ve got mine. But noooooooo. Not Louise. She’s one of those close-mooers. And it’s not like you can drop a subtle hint either. There’s really no polite way to say “Listen, here’s some hay. Your breath stinks like pig.”

It's starting!

2005-04-26T16:58:00.000-05:00

Look out humans! The C-Day events are underway. I just herd from Georgia that our Buffalo bretheren have taken to the streets of suburban Baltimore. (Apparently they’re fed up with roaming fees.)

Here’s the story on the human news: CNN.com article

Good one!

2005-04-26T08:36:00.000-05:00

Q: Why did the human spend 20 minutes staring at a carton of orange juice?

A: Because it said “concentrate.”

Hee hee hee.

Georgia told me that one today. I laughed so hard, it almost made me spit milk out of my nose.

UGH!

2005-04-25T19:00:00.000-05:00

Got roped today. I am sooooooo not talking to Farmer Bill right now.

On the road again

2005-04-24T09:55:00.000-05:00

I was so not in the mood to get out of grass this morning. The rooster went off at like 6:00 and I was really tempted to hit snooze. I just hate traveling. Farmer Pete is SUCH a bad driver. I always get trailer sick.

Next time I'm totally riding shotgun.

On a brighter note, we've got another herd meeting tonight. The C-Day plans are coming along really well. Georgia said she's getting a lot of hits on BovineUnite.com (I always check for the latest C-Day news.) I'm psyched to find out what Karen found out about the new cow bells.

At the moovies

2005-04-21T13:14:00.000-05:00

I can’t wait for tonight. We’re going to see “Dude, Where’s My Cow?”

Random thought: why do they always try to get you to buy a bigger bale of hay? I mean, the large bale of hay is HUGE. But then they always try to get you to Super-Bale it. I mean, even with two stomachs, there’s no way any cow in their right mind can eat that much hay. Okay, except for Henrietta, but she’s a heifer.

Yum!

2005-04-19T16:06:00.000-05:00

I had THE BEST hay for lunch today. We went to this new pasture by the fence. Louise has been mooing about it for months.

And let me just say: To die for.

Okay, so the service was kind of slow, but the food was sooooo green. And it was like the perfect balance of clovers. Granted, the dandelions were a little tough, but they’re not really in season until June. Anyway, I’ve never been so stuffed. It’s a good thing I have two stomachs. Cow heaven, baby. Cow heaven.

Are you mooing at me? I don't see anyone else here so you must be mooing at me.

2005-04-18T12:36:00.000-05:00

Why do the humans park their cars and moo at us? It’s insulting. We’re trying to eat. And they never get it right either. They always go “Moo.” But that’s all wrong. The proper greeting is “Moo-oooo.” And then they get all mad when we don’t respond to “moo.”

Sheesh! Bipeds.

How now, brown cow?

2005-04-15T18:38:00.000-05:00

Great herd meeting today. We had a pretty good udderstorming session. Buttercup wanted to make sure we have all our cows in a row for C-Day. I can't believe it's only three weeks away!

On another note, it turns out brown cows DO NOT actually make chocolate milk. I was standing next to one while I was getting milked today. That milk was pure white.

Trust me, I'm as surprised as you are.

Humiliated

2005-04-14T09:32:00.000-05:00

Diane can be so rude sometimes. There’s a time and a place for chewing your cud, but dinner with the bulls is DEFINITELY not one of them.

What was she? Raised in a barn?

Who let the dogs out?

2005-04-12T17:32:00.000-05:00

Wow, check out the udders on that mutt!

Just kidding. The border collie was at the vet today, so Karen and I snuck into the yard and left him a little surprise. Let’s just say he’s going to be VERY popular with the cats today. ;-)

A cow walks into a barn...

2005-04-11T09:17:00.000-05:00

If I hear Farmer Pete tell one more lame mad cow joke, I’m gonna stampede. Seriously. I mean, okay. Once is fine. It wasn’t funny, but you know, you kind of laugh politely. The second time was pretty bad too. We kind of just looked at each other and tried to smile. But the third time? Sooooo awkward. I swear, you could’ve heard a pin drop.

Luckily Karen changed the subject with a well-timed “moo.” That guy seriously needs some new material.

Anyway, gotta head to another herd meeting. The C-Day plans are coming along really well. We’ve gotta work out some scheduling issues, so I think it’s gonna be a long meeting. Hopefully there’ll be hay. My stomachs are growling.

Work stinks

2005-04-07T13:00:00.000-05:00

Work was soooooooo slow today. I got in around 8, and got stuck milking overtime.

I guess everybody has bad udder days. It’d be one thing if I had a stall with a view, but I just hate standing there all day. Farmer Bill isn’t exactly the fastest milker in the world either. Oh well. At least I get paid overtime hay.

Say Cheese!

2005-04-03T16:42:00.000-05:00

Tried to take a self-portrait today. Man, those digital cameras are hard to work with only one hoof.

Bovine Unite!!!!!!!!

2005-04-01T10:23:00.000-05:00

We’re so milked! BovineUnite.com is officially live!

Georgia did such a great job with the site. It totally rocks my farm.
The design looks AMAZING! Not bad for a cow with four left feet.

Oh, and she installed some advanced security features so the humans can’t log in.

Georgia’s gonna keep the site pretty well up to date with all the 4-1-1 about C-Day and the latest herd meetings and everything. Cows from other farms can log on and post stuff on the bovine bulletin board and download all kinds of Bovine Unite stuff to help spread the word. It’s gonna be awesome.

Anyway, I should run. We have another herd meeting in a couple days to talk about next steps and I’ve gotta help Buttercup prepare the power-point. She’s giving a presentation about C-Day logistics. (She’s really taking the bull by the horns. Metaphorically speaking, of course).

Big Meeting

2005-03-31T12:33:00.000-05:00

We just had the best herd meeting. Buttercup gave a KILLER speech. We were totally hanging on her every moo.

Here’s some of the transcript:

Four score and seven years ago, our fore-udders grazed in these fields with big dreams and bigger cuds. Bessie stood at the top of that hill and looked down over her herd. She stood there and she nodded. The herd fell silent. And Bessie, she chewed her cud calmly. Slowly. And with the sun sinking behind her and the shadows cascading across her udders, do you know what Bessie said?

She said, “moo.”

It was a simple, yet decisive “moo.” Punctuated with an emphatic “clink” from her cowbell. And that speech, my brothers…that speech is what brings us here today. Bessie saw the other side, and let me tell you: the grass is most definitely greener.

Pretty cool, huh? Anyway, she has this amazing plan and the whole herd is really milked about it. It’s gonna be AWESOME! It’s kind of a grassroots udderground moovement. The humans are totally gonna FREAK OUT. I can’t wait. (C-Day is May 5. Remind me to mark my cowlendar.)

BovineUnite.com launches tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Beef

2005-03-30T16:08:00.000-05:00

I’ve had it up to my udders with these humans! They’re so bossy. I mean, just because they have opposable thumbs they think they’re sooooooooooo great.

Okay, so maybe cows can’t hitchhike. But let’s see a human try to eat an entire bale of hay.

I guess it just behooves me that these humans treat us cows like second-class citizens. I mean, all this talk about red states and blue states. I think it’s about time us cows have our own green states. What are we? Chopped liver?

Anyway, we had our first herd meeting today. It went really well. Georgia’s been working around the clock on a new website: BovineUnite.com. (she’s the Web Mooster). The cowncil approved it today, so the site’s gonna launch on Friday (April 1). Definitely check it out.

I am officially a dork.

2005-03-29T11:20:00.000-05:00

It’s true. I have a blog. (Does that make me a cyber cow?)

I used to keep a journal back when I was a calf, and kind of lost touch with it, so I figured this might be a good time to start writing again. Although I’ve gotta say, it’s pretty hard to type with hooves.

A little about me: I’m a cow (duh!). I live on a farm in Easton, Maryland. My hobbies are eating, mooing and racquetball. I enjoy moonlit grazing and long walks on the farm.

Let’s see, what else…I don’t have a bullfriend right now, but if you know anybody who’s cute and single, definitely let me know. (Haven’t had much luck on match.com. Go figure.)

Well, I’m off to get milked. Check back from time to time. I’ll try to update this thing whenever the moood strikes. (Get it? Mooo-d?! Ha!)

Mooo,
Millie